2013 Full Steam ahead, New attitude and New relationships

So it has been awhile, I know!! But things have been happening and most of them are really awesome!

I had a reading a couple of months ago, a fab lady called Deb that my friend Rachel introduced me to last year. It didnt feel right to have a reading around christmas with everything going on so waited a bit

Auckland anniversary weekend (end of January) started a time of change for me, a relationship and the blurred lines around that ended. I quit social media (back now) I decided I was never going to find someone   on a Man Holiday and going to focus on me for awhile. The first thing i wanted to do was be more social! So I accepted an offer from Mark who I had met at the Movember Mohunt to go with some friends to the Silo Park outdoor movies. Perfect! meet new people and step WAAAYYY out of my comfort zone! I had only met him once but being in public with others whats the worse that could happen right!? I went along and had a great night, they were awesome people and he was just as lovely as i remember from November.

The next day I had my reading with Deb. She is wonderful, the reading was so clear and so me! Turns out 2012 was not the year for all the changes I wanted to make and its all about 2013. Such perfect timing! And of course relationships came into this, Love is on the way as well as a new place to live (reading said a change or renovations to a current place, I thought maybe mum and dad were moving or my flat was getting a makeover)

One of those things happened very quickly…

Mark and I spent time together for the next 5 days… didn’t make 7days only because we each had plans. We were hanging out as friends and (he knows this next bit) to be honest I wasn’t thinking anything else but he was. Meeting someone new and taking the friends first approach is such a great way to do it, no pressure and judging. Sadly for him friends frame of mind meant I saw him a couple of times after the gym or with no makeup on lol!

My man holiday didn’t last long! on Valentines day we made it clear to each other what we wanted. I set ground rules though, and mostly stuck to them.

Anyway having someone around was a strange but awesome adjustment.

AND in July i move into where my sister is currently living which is dads rental place WHOOP

A heart can break

I hate change.
I hate loss.

You embrace something new into your life, make room, find balance, it’s exciting.

But then somethings changes, the balance it tipped and it all topples over.

That hurts, no matter the rhyme or reason.
For good or bad, that doesn’t matter.

And it’s exhausting.

Reflections, Resolutions and Plans . My year and My year to come

Hello 2013! 

I like this number, it’s random and has the feeling of good things to come.

Sure, we all feel that way at this time of year after reflecting, setting goals, throwing away the baggage of the previous year (hopefully) moving on with life.

But something about a year with an unlucky number gives hope that maybe my luck will be reversed.

 I make To-Do lists, not resolutions. It is way more achievable to set yourself small goals during the year without the big shock to the system. And it can be a lot of fun!

For example, if there is something you have always wanted to do but never get around to, add that! Cooking class? Learn a Language? Clown College? Read a book? Learn the Polka?

Last year I achieved most in some way and the ones I didn’t I added to this year.

 What I did tick off I am pleased with, it was a bumpy road and not everything worked out for the best but that’s ok. You live and you learn from them. It’s hard, but you take it forward and hopefully not do it again.

In 2012 I lost weight- gained weight then lost it again (still on the loss even after Christmas!!) long way to go yet. Im doing it slow and steady now, small changes for life.

Made new friends, social calendar picked up, learnt a lot about myself, grew stronger,

Realised that I need to come first and made some major choices to make that happen (this one, will always be a battle in one way or another),

Found my groove at work,

Lost a friend who I miss – his loss I guess but it did help me realise what I needed to change.

And yes the ‘L’ word featured in 2012, and I will always be grateful for that person being in my life. No matter what the future brings.

 

 So… 2013 what have you got in-store for me?

The first part of my year is pretty straight forward. Save money. Focus on me. Work hard.

The rest.. well.. you will just have to wait and see

 

365 till thirty..

Today is my birthday (dramatic pause for applause and cheers)

29 today and the last 365 days left of my 20′s. It has taken a little while to sink in that its not just a regular Thursday. My mind is more thinking about the brilliant weekend ahead with a friend up in the big smoke for the first time and best friends birthday.

But as I consume more calories before 10am than i should something clicks, its my birthday. with that usually comes the feelings of what have I done this year, what should I do this coming year and the big one “alone again on my birthday”

But that one doesn’t worry me this year. Because this year is kinda different, I met someone amazing who made me feel wonderful. Who has been an incredible support, showed me what it is like to be loved and cared about and special. Sure things didn’t quite happen as we hoped this year, but to have him in any way in my life is incredible.

I digress.. I think there needs to be a “30 before 30″ list!

The Re- Re- invention of Me (Me)

Without going drastic I wanted to change a few things. I’m sure everyone has these moments, after a break up, new job, life crisis.. some may call a breakdown. sure that’s one way to view.

Ok so if I was a celebrity going through a Identity crisis I would shave my head, get drunk and dance of the table tops of the RSA during Housie night and flash my lady parts a few times while getting out of flash cars of rich creepy European men…

But I’m not , so instead I had a hair cut, got myself an expensive gift, signed up with a dietitian and I’m going to bootcamp.

The latter may kill me, so if it does. Farewell world, with all your pressures to “be” something that the media deems as desirable, anyway thats a whole nother post

What if…?

You can not go through life thinking “what if’

You start to question yourself, your choices, your life and those in it. You wonder if things could have been better if you had done something differently. it doesn’t pay to question.

Relationships are the major offenders in the “what if” thought sparkers. And because its personal , can effect you so much more.

I excel in this, I don’t have the best self-esteem, I am guilty in the self-doubt department and I over think and question EVERYTHING. I push things that don’t need to be pushed, I panic, I fret, I see things that aren’t there, I worry and I want things the way that I do.

The “what if’s” are strong in me. and I wonder how much I have screwed things up.

But the “what if” can be fun too, What if I went Left instead of right… that will be tomorrow. who knows what you will discover

Revive – Refreash – Refocus

So it has been a while since my last post.

Mainly because I feel a bit guilty about my high and mighty posts about diets and positive thinking and all that  … and I have not been practising what I preach.

I am a person run by my emotions and lately they have run me down and made circles in the dirt around me, laughed in my face and backed over me a couple of times to make their point.

Diet? what diet? sure most of my day meals were Dukan, but then the three – four takeaways during the week plus the popcorn addiction and the chocolate cravings on top of that. I tend to find something I like and make an unreasonable addiction to that for a couple of weeks until I eat myself sick of it. Lately Donovan’s dark and milk chocolate almonds and kettle corn… Not sure I have kicked the popcorn one yet.

Oh and exercise was.. gone.. I was getting texts from the gym reminding me to swipe my card when i came in because they haven’t seen me for two weeks… the excuses I used went from a sore toe to I think i have the flu to I best do some washing… lazy me!

Well no more! I am on the other side of the dark chasm that was the recent “dark” episode. I had a long weekend away filled with reflection, relaxing shopping and spa! and most importantly refocus.

Ok so its not all sorted and last week wasn’t so great. Neither was my menu for the last few days but the important things are happening.

Number one is back on top (me) I come first, what I want and what i need to do comes before anything else. I have set some things aside in my life and its working.

Monday I went home, made dinner, went to the pools, came home, cooked dinner before tv, social networks or the general laziness of a Monday night. Tuesday was the same, supermarket, home, prep dinner, Spin class by 6pm, home, made dinner.  tonight will be similar.

Its amazing what control can have in your routine. doing all of that in one night would have usually taken me to 830 / 9pm and then totally put me off doing it again.

Now just need to control my eating, thinking Hypnotherapy… story to come